Pinned toot

follow request policy Show more

a supremely cursèd sentence Show more

Bringing my gf to one of my favorite restaurants for the first time. I open the door, saying “so this is an area where metabolism really comes into play.”

I go for a nice drive through the mountains, and when I get back I say “wow, sure got some good internal combustion today.”

Why are GDQ speedrunners addicted to the letters “RNG”? ’Cause every time they say it, I sure get the impression they have no idea what they’re talking about.

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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

I always thought of it as “beh-piss.”

Quick poll:

How do you pronounce the word “bepis”?

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Wanna have a bit of fun watching people get all confused while revealing society's inherent patriarchal bias?

Refer to your sewing machine as a 'power tool.'

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btw if any of you are also gay af and in need of money for school, this is the scholarship: pointfoundation.org/point-appl

but fyi the due date is 1/29 so you'd only have a couple weeks to apply. sorry I didn't think to share it sooner

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The difference between light rail and heavy rail:

Light rail: you can lift it

Heavy rail: you need to get your buff girlfriend to lift it

unwanted flirting (+) Show more

I really enjoy the :drake_like: and :drake_dislike: as emoji, because they are self-descriptive and accessible.

It’s frankly baffling to me that they’d need such high throughput on an ultrasound wand

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this one needs to be reposted over and over

:drake_dislike: Thunderbolt 3
:drake_like: Whatever the fuck this is

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Recently... I decided that the presidential alert system had clearly been tested well enough. So, I started sending him actual messages from the president. I started things off cryptic, with zero context, while he was in the other building from me:

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For the past several months, I've been sending american-flag-belt-coworker almost-weekly network messages through an app he logs into that I have full admin on. The message pops up in the bottom corner of your desktop, and gives no appearance of having anything to do with the app it's coming from.

For the first few months, he only received this message, over and over:

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@tom this is a segment called please come back

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